Rough Sex Ideas: Intense Positions, Play & Safety Tips

Want more excitement in bed? Rough sex doesn't mean violence or pain. It means both people agree to try stronger, more intense touching and movements. When you talk about it first and set clear rules, it can feel amazing and bring you closer together.

This guide shows 12 rough sex ideas from gentle to more intense. We focus on staying safe and making sure both people enjoy everything.

SUPER IMPORTANT: Read This First

You Must Both Say "Yes"

Rules you can't skip:

You Must Have	Why You Need It
Clear "yes" from both	Silence or "maybe" doesn't count
Talk before trying	Never surprise your partner
Safe word ready	Easy way to stop right away
Keep checking in	Make sure it still feels good
Both people sober	Clear heads needed
Can stop anytime	No guilt, no questions

This isn't optional. Rough sex without both people agreeing is wrong and illegal.

Learn about getting permission first before trying anything new.

Pick a Safe Word

The traffic light way (easy to remember):

Red: Stop right now

Yellow: Slow down, I need a break

Green: This feels good, keep going

Why this works: When things get intense, you might say "no" or "stop" as part of playing. A safe word means you really need to stop.

If you can't talk: Use hand signals like dropping something you're holding or tapping three times fast.

Before You Start: Talk First

Have This Talk When Not Having Sex

Things to discuss:

1. What sounds fun:

• What you want to try
• How intense (gentle, medium, strong)
• Where you want to be touched
• Words you want to hear

2. What's off limits:

• Things you don't want to do
• Body parts you don't want touched
• Words you don't want to hear
• Anything that feels wrong

3. Health stuff:

• Any injuries you have
• Pills you're taking
• How much pressure is okay
• Things your body can't do

4. Feelings stuff:

• What feels respectful
• What feels too mean
• How to take care of each other after
• How to talk about it later

Understanding setting limits keeps everyone safe and happy.

Pulling Hair (Easy Start)

Why start here:

Pulling hair is easy and most people like it when you do it right.

How to do it right:

Wrong way (hurts bad):

• Pulling just a few hairs
• Yanking really fast
• Pulling from the ends

Right way (feels good):

1. Grab a big handful near the head
2. Wrap your whole hand around it
3. Pull slowly and steady
4. More hair = less pain
5. Pull the way they're already moving

When to use it:

• During doggy style (pull head back gently)
• During oral sex (guide their head)
• While kissing (tilt head to kiss neck)
• Any position to show control

How hard to pull:

Light: Hold hair without pulling

Medium: Pull steady to make tension

Strong: Harder pull that bends head back

Check in: Ask "How does this feel?" while you try different strengths.

Spanking (Easy Start)

The basics:

Spanking is very popular and safe when you know where and how.

Safe places to spank:

Body Part	Safe?	Why
Butt (fatty part)	Yes	Lots of padding, no organs
Upper thighs	Yes	Muscle there, safe
Lower back	NO	Kidneys here - dangerous
Tailbone	NO	Bone can break
Sides	NO	Organs inside

How to spank right:

1. Hand shape:

• Cup your hand a little
• Keep fingers together
• Use whole palm

2. The movement:

• Start with light taps
• Get harder slowly
• Swing your whole arm
• Don't just slap - use motion

3. Speed:

• Start slow (one every few seconds)
• Get faster if they like it
• Change how hard you hit
• Switch between butt cheeks

After spanking: Rub the area gently between hits. This feels good and shows you care.

Dirty Talk and Telling Them What To Do (Easy Start)

Power of words:

Rough sex isn't just touching - what you say matters too.

Types of rough talk:

Giving orders:

• "Get on your knees"
• "Don't move"
• "Look at me"
• "Touch yourself"
• "Ask for it"

Claiming them:

• "You're mine"
• "This belongs to me"
• "Nobody else gets this"

Describing stuff:

• Tell them what you're doing
• Say what you see
• Tell them what's coming next

Important limits:

Ask first about:

• Mean words (if any)
• Name-calling they like
• How strong the talk should be
• Words they hate

Start gentle and add more if they like it. You can always say more, but you can't take words back.

Tying Up (Medium Intensity)

Starting with tying up:

Tying someone up makes them feel helpless while you're in control.

Easy ways to tie up:

Under-bed straps:

• Go under your mattress
• Hook to wrists and ankles
• Easy to get out if needed
• Comfortable

Velcro cuffs:

• Quick to remove
• Change the size
• No knots to learn
• Can't get too tight

Silk scarves or ties:

• Soft on skin
• Easy to untie
• Most people have these
• Cheap option

NEVER use:

• Regular rope (hurts nerves)
• Handcuffs without quick release
• Zip ties
• Anything hard to escape

Safety rules:

1. Never leave tied person alone
2. Keep scissors close by
3. Check their hands/feet every few minutes
4. Never tie around neck
5. Two fingers should fit under tie

For people new to trying this, comfortable options for couples are made to be safe and easy - good for learning to trust each other.

Holding Them Down (Medium Intensity)

Using your body:

Using your weight to hold someone down creates strong power feelings.

Safe ways to hold down:

Wrists over head:

1. Hold both wrists with one hand
2. Or use both hands
3. Push firm but don't hurt
4. Watch their face

Shoulders down:

1. Put hands on shoulders
2. Press down gently
3. Use body weight, not arm power
4. Good during missionary

Hips still:

1. Hold their hips so they can't move
2. You control everything
3. Good during oral sex

NEVER hold:

• Throat or neck (dangerous)
• Face (can't breathe)
• Chest (blocks breathing)

Ask them:

• "Can you breathe okay?"
• "Is this too much?"
• "Green, yellow, or red?"

Understanding staying safe during intense moments.

Biting and Scratching (Medium Intensity)

Wild feelings:

Biting and scratching feel primal and can be really exciting.

Safe places to bite:

Good spots:

• Shoulders
• Upper arms
• Neck (very gentle)
• Earlobes
• Chest
• Butt

Bad spots:

• Face
• Hands/fingers
• Thin skin places
• Places that bruise easy

How to bite:

Light (start here):

• More like pressing with teeth
• Not actually biting
• Test first

Medium:

• Gentle teeth pressure
• Might leave marks for a bit
• Let go if they pull away

Never:

• Hard enough to break skin
• On face or tender spots
• Without watching reactions

How to scratch:

1. Keep nails clean (no infection)
2. Start with light drags down back
3. Watch for broken skin
4. Don't scratch face or breasts
5. Back, butt, and thighs are best

Hard Thrusting and Going Deep (Medium Intensity)

Strong movements:

Rough doesn't just mean hard - it means powerful, confident movements.

Best positions:

Doggy style:

• Hold hips tight
• Pull them toward you
• Fast, deep movements
• Can spank too

Against wall:

• Pin them to wall
• Lift them a little
• Deep, strong movements
• Feels very wild

Legs over shoulders:

• Deepest way in
• You control everything
• Can go very hard
• Ask if it's too deep

Important things:

Get ready first:

• Do foreplay
• Make sure aroused
• Use lots of lube
• Never go rough right away

Watch for pain:

• Deep doesn't always feel good
• Hitting cervix can hurt
• Ask "too deep?" often
• Change angle if needed

For stamina: When keeping strong rhythm gets tiring, automatic options can keep going, so you focus on the power feeling instead of getting tired.

Hand on Neck (Advanced - BE CAREFUL)

VERY DANGEROUS WARNING:

Real choking (stopping breathing) can kill people or cause brain damage. Many people have died from this.

If you want the feeling without danger:

Much safer way:

• Put hand gently on side of neck
• Don't squeeze at all
• Just the hand there feels powerful
• This is way safer

Or skip the neck:

• Cover their mouth (they breathe through nose)
• Hold their jaw
• Hand on chest instead
• These feel similar but safer

NEVER:

• Press front of throat
• Block breathing
• Squeeze neck
• Do this drunk or high
• Leave them alone while doing it

Stop right away if:

• Face changes color
• They go limp
• Eyes roll back
• They stop moving
• Anything looks wrong

REALLY: People die from this. Skip this idea unless you get real training from experts.

Rough Oral Sex (Advanced)

Intense oral:

This means the person getting oral controls how deep and fast.

Stay safe:

Make signals:

• Tap out (like wrestling)
• Hold something to drop
• Make sure they can breathe

Start gentle:

• Don't go deep right away
• Let them get used to it
• Watch reactions
• Get more intense slowly

How to do it:

Person getting oral:

1. Hold their head gently
2. Start with small movements
3. Let them control at first
4. Take more control slowly
5. Never force too deep

Person giving oral:

1. Breathe through nose
2. Use hand to control depth
3. Tap out if needed
4. Spit is okay
5. Take breaks

Don't:

• Make them gag too much
• Go too deep
• Ignore when they pull back
• Keep going if they want to stop

Using Toys (Medium to Advanced)

Adding tools:

Some toys make rough play more intense when used safely.

Toys that work:

For hitting:

• Paddles (start gentle)
• Floggers (softer than they look)
• Riding crops (small hits)

For sensation:

• Vibrators on strong
• Nipple clamps (ones you can adjust)
• Hot and cold items

For inside:

• Bigger sizes
• Bumpy textures
• Machines that thrust

Strong feeling tools: For building feeling without getting hurt, powerful vibration gives intense pleasure you can control - making intensity through feeling instead of hitting.

Stay safe with toys:

1. Start on low settings
2. Don't use broken toys
3. Clean everything well
4. Use right lube
5. Check in often

For rough play, toys for couples have many levels - you can build up slowly while staying in control and safe.

Playing Roles (Medium Intensity)

Acting out scenes:

Rough sex often includes power games. Playing roles makes this bigger.

Popular role ideas:

Boss/Worker:

• One has power
• "After work" scene
• Use desk or office chair

Strangers meeting:

• "First time" fantasy
• Sudden intensity
• Pretend you just met

Home intruder:

• Wild scene
• "Caught" feeling
• Must talk about this a lot first

Dominant/Submissive:

• Clear roles
• One gives orders
• Other follows (within limits)

Important rules:

Before starting:

• Talk about whole scene
• Set limits
• Make safe words
• Know when scene ends

During:

• Stay in role
• Respect limits
• Watch for real problems
• Can stop role if needed

After:

• Talk about experience
• Go back to normal
• Take care of each other
• Discuss what worked

Making Them Orgasm Many Times (Advanced)

Intense through too much feeling:

Making your partner orgasm multiple times without stopping can feel overwhelming.

How it works:

What to do:

1. Make partner orgasm
2. Don't stop touching
3. Keep going through sensitive part
4. Build to second orgasm
5. Do again if wanted

Why it's "rough":

After orgasm, genitals get super sensitive. Keeping going can feel too much, overwhelming, even uncomfortable - but in a good way for many people.

Stay safe:

Must agree first:

• Talk before trying
• Make safe word
• Check between orgasms
• Respect limits

Watch for:

• Real pain vs. strong feeling
• Too tired
• Needs water
• Too much

For keeping going: To keep same feeling through many orgasms, remote controlled toys let the controlling partner change strength exactly - building waves without hands getting tired.

Taking Care After

Why After-Care Matters

What happens during rough sex:

Rough sex makes your body create strong chemicals. When intensity stops, you can feel emotionally down.

What after-care does:

• Helps you come back to normal
• Shows love and respect
• Stops emotional crash
• Talks about what happened
• Makes trust stronger

After-care isn't optional. It's as important as the sex.

Good After-Care Looks Like

Right after (first 15 minutes):

Body care:

1. Take off ties right away
2. Hold each other
3. Get blanket (body gets cold)
4. Get water for both
5. Clean up gently

Feelings care:

1. Tell each other nice things
2. Say "I love you"
3. Ask "Are you okay?"
4. Thank each other
5. Stay close

Later care (hours/days after):

Check in:

• Text next day: "Thinking about last night - you okay?"
• Talk about what you liked
• Say what didn't work
• Show your normal relationship
• Plan next time

Watch for feeling down:

Some people feel sad 1-3 days after. This is normal. Give extra care then.

Learn about emotional safety and taking care after.

What NOT To Do (Very Important)

Dangerous Things to Never Do

Never do these:

Dangerous Thing	Why It's Bad	Do This Instead
Choke on front of throat	Can kill	Hand on side of neck, no pressure
Hit the face	Serious injury	Spank butt instead
Hit lower back	Hurts organs inside	Stay on butt and thighs
Rough anal with no prep	Tears, injury, hospital	Lots of lube, go slow
Surprise rough stuff	Scary, breaks trust	Talk about everything first

---

Stop Right Away If

Stop if you see:

• Partner gets quiet or still
• They're crying (unless you talked about it)
• Skin breaks or bleeds
• Bruises show up
• They use safe word
• They look scared
• Can't wake them up
• Can't breathe well
• Anything seems wrong

When not sure, stop. You can always start again if okay. You can't fix injury.

Going Slow Is Better

Start Small, Add More Later

Week 1-2:

• Dirty talk
• Light hair pulling
• Gentle spanking
• Hold wrists down

Week 3-4:

• Harder spanking
• Use ties
• Rougher movements
• Stronger commands

Month 2:

• Do many things together
• Longer sessions
• More intense scenes
• Play roles

Month 3+:

• Whatever you built up to
• Complex scenes
• Many tools/toys
• Full experiences

Why go slow:

• Builds trust over time
• You learn each other
• Stops injury
• Makes it more exciting
• Can fix problems

Talking During Rough Sex

Checking In Without Stopping Mood

Quick checks:

Easy ways:

• "You okay?" (fast, doesn't stop)
• "Color?" (traffic light check)
• Look at face (read feelings)
• Watch body language

What to watch:

• Getting tense (bad)
• Pushing into it (good)
• Pulling away (stop)
• Making sounds (usually good)
• Quiet (check in)

If they look uncomfortable:

Don't wait - stop and ask. Better to break mood than hurt someone.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it okay to want rough sex?

Yes, very normal. Most people think about rough sex sometimes. If both adults agree and stay safe, there's nothing wrong with liking intensity.

How do I ask my partner to try this?

Talk when not having sex: "I've been thinking about trying more intense stuff together. Can we talk about it?" Share what interests you, ask what they think, and explore together.

What if rough sex makes me uncomfortable?

Then don't do it. You don't have to try anything that feels wrong. If your partner pushes you, that's a bad sign. Say "I don't want that" and don't feel bad.

Can rough sex hurt relationships?

When done without talking and agreement, yes. When done right - with talking, limits, care after - it usually makes relationships stronger by building trust. The key is doing it correctly.

How rough is too rough?

If it causes real injury, goes past what you agreed on, happens without permission, or either person feels bad after, it's too rough. Pain should feel good intense, not actual harm. Always be careful.

Conclusion

Rough sex can add exciting intensity when you talk first, get clear agreement, and stay safe.

Start with easier options like hair pulling and spanking, make safe words before trying anything new, build intensity slowly over weeks and months instead of rushing, take care of each other after to process intense feelings, and remember both people must enthusiastically agree to everything.

Done right, rough play builds trust and creates deeply satisfying experiences that bring couples closer.

Ready to explore safely? Visit Jissbon to find tools made for adventurous couples - offering controlled intensity, changeable levels, and safe ways to explore powerful feelings together.