How to Use a Dildo as a Virgin: Simple Guide for First-Timers

Using a dildo for the first time can feel intimidating. The truth: it's completely safe and normal to use a dildo before having partnered sex. Many people explore their bodies with toys before becoming sexually active with a partner, and this is a healthy part of understanding your own pleasure.

This guide explains everything you need to know—from choosing the right size to insertion tips that actually work. You'll learn how to make your first time comfortable, what to expect, and common mistakes to avoid.

Can Virgins Use Dildos?

Yes, absolutely. Using a dildo has nothing to do with virginity.

Virginity is a social concept, not a medical one. Using a dildo doesn't "take" your virginity. Only you get to define what virginity means to you, and for most people, it refers to not having had partnered sex.

Why people use dildos before partnered sex:

• Learn what feels good for your body
• Become comfortable with penetration
• Practice at your own pace
• Explore pleasure without pressure
• Understand your anatomy better

Virginity is personal—you define what it means to you.

What about the hymen? The hymen is a thin tissue at the vaginal opening. It's very flexible and often has openings already (which is why you can use tampons). Using a dildo might stretch it, but this is completely normal and doesn't mean you've "lost" anything.

Choosing Your First Dildo

Size matters a lot for beginners. Start smaller than you think you need.

Size Guide for First-Timers

The width matters most. That's what determines how much you'll stretch. Length is less important because you don't have to insert the whole thing.

Start small: Many beginners think they need something penis-sized. You don't. Starting with something slimmer makes your first experience much more comfortable.

Best Materials for Beginners

Silicone is the best choice.

Medical-grade silicone is soft, flexible, and body-safe. It warms to your body temperature quickly and moves with you. It's also easy to clean.

Other safe options:

• Glass (smooth, firm, easy to clean)
• ABS plastic (hard, smooth)

Avoid: Jelly, rubber, or PVC. These materials can contain harmful chemicals and harbor bacteria.

Quality sex toys use certified body-safe materials.

Shape and Features

Smooth and simple works best.

For your first dildo, choose something with:

• Smooth surface (no ridges or bumps yet)
• Slightly tapered tip (makes insertion easier)
• Flared base (prevents it from going too far in)
• Curved shape if you want to try G-spot stimulation

Skip for now: Realistic textures, large heads, vibrating functions. Keep it simple for your first toy.

Browse clitoral vibrators if you want to start with external stimulation first.

What You Need Before Starting

Gather everything before you begin.

Essential Supplies

Water-based lubricant (most important): Your vagina produces some natural lubrication, but not enough for comfortable dildo use. Lube is absolutely necessary. Get more than you think you'll need.

Towel: Put one under you for any mess from lube.

Privacy: Lock your door. Turn off your phone. Make sure you won't be interrupted.

Time: Give yourself at least 30-45 minutes. Don't rush.

Optional but helpful:

• Pillow for back support
• Mirror to see what you're doing
• Clitoral vibrator for external stimulation

Step-by-Step: Using a Dildo for the First Time

Step 1: Get Comfortable and Aroused (15-20 minutes)

This is the most important step. Don't skip it.

Find a comfortable position. Most beginners prefer lying on their back with knees bent and legs apart. Put a pillow under your hips if that helps.

Get aroused before attempting insertion. Use your hands, a clitoral vibrator, or whatever usually works for you. Watch or read something that turns you on if that helps.

Why arousal matters: When you're aroused, your vagina naturally lengthens and widens. The tissues become engorged with blood and produce some lubrication. Your muscles relax. All of this makes insertion much easier and more comfortable.

Signs you're ready:

• Feeling "turned on"
• Vaginal wetness
• Your vaginal opening feels relaxed when you touch it
• You want something inside

Arousal is essential for comfortable penetration.

Step 2: Prepare the Dildo

Clean it first. Even if it's brand new, wash with mild soap and warm water. Dry completely.

Apply lots of lube. Coat the entire tip and first few inches of the dildo with water-based lubricant. Use more than seems necessary. You can't use too much lube.

Apply lube to yourself too. Put lube around and just inside your vaginal opening with your fingers.

Step 3: Find Your Vaginal Opening

Use your fingers or a mirror.

Your vaginal opening is below your urethra (where you pee from) and above your anus. It's the middle opening. If you're not sure, use a hand mirror to look.

Touch the opening with your lubricated fingers first. Get comfortable with the sensation. The entrance might feel like a tight ring—this is normal.

Step 4: Start with Fingers

Ease yourself open first.

Before attempting the dildo, insert one lubricated finger slowly. Just the first knuckle at first. When that feels okay, go deeper.

If one finger is comfortable, try two. Move them gently, exploring how it feels. This pre-stretches your vaginal opening and helps you understand the sensation.

Don't rush this step. Spend 5-10 minutes getting comfortable with fingers.

Step 5: Insert the Dildo Slowly

Go very slowly and breathe deeply.

Hold the base of the dildo. Position the tip at your vaginal opening. Apply gentle, steady pressure—don't push hard.

Breathe deeply and relax your pelvic muscles. Consciously relax. Tensing makes insertion harder and more uncomfortable.

The tip should slide in about an inch. Stop here. Let your body adjust for 30-60 seconds.

If it hurts: Stop immediately. Add more lube. Make sure you're still aroused. Try again after relaxing for a few minutes.

If there's resistance: Your muscles might be tense. Take deep breaths. Try bearing down gently (like having a bowel movement)—this relaxes the entrance muscles.

Step 6: Go Deeper Gradually

Once the tip is comfortable, slowly insert more.

Push in another inch. Pause. Let your body adjust. Keep breathing deeply.

You don't have to insert the whole thing. Many people only insert 3-4 inches comfortably at first. That's perfectly fine.

Finding the right angle: Aim slightly toward your belly button, not straight up. Your vaginal canal angles back toward your spine.

Step 7: Move It Gently

Once it's in comfortably, experiment with movement.

Try these motions:

• Slowly in and out (shallow at first)
• Small circular motions
• Rocking side to side
• Pressing against different areas

Find what feels good. Some spots will feel better than others. The front wall (toward your belly) is where your G-spot is located.

Combine with clitoral stimulation. Most people need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Use your fingers or a vibrator on your clitoris while using the dildo.

Step 8: Take Your Time

There's no rush. Your first time might take 30-45 minutes or longer. That's completely normal.

You might not orgasm your first time. That's also normal. The goal is getting comfortable with the sensation and learning what feels good.

What to Expect Your First Time

Be realistic about expectations.

You Might Experience

Some discomfort: Mild stretching sensation is normal. Sharp pain is not—stop if you feel pain.

A "full" feeling: This is normal and will feel more natural the more you do it.

Pressure sensations: Especially if the dildo touches your bladder or G-spot area.

Need to pee feeling: Common when stimulating the G-spot area. Empty your bladder before starting to rule out actual need.

Not much sensation: The vaginal canal doesn't have as many nerve endings as the clitoris. This is normal. Pleasure often comes from the stretching sensation and psychological arousal.

A little bleeding: Small amount of spotting can happen if your hymen stretches. This is normal. Heavy bleeding is not—see a doctor.

You Probably Won't

Have an instant mind-blowing orgasm: Learning to enjoy penetration takes practice.

Insert the whole thing: Most beginners only insert 3-4 inches comfortably at first.

"Lose your virginity": Virginity is about partnered sex for most people, not toy use.

Damage anything: Your vagina is designed to stretch. You're not going to hurt yourself with a properly-sized dildo and adequate lube.

Common First-Time Problems

"I can't get it in at all"

Possible causes and solutions:

If nothing works after multiple tries: You might have vaginismus (muscle spasm condition). Talk to a doctor or pelvic floor therapist.

"It hurts"

Stop immediately if you feel pain.

Discomfort from stretching is normal. Sharp pain is not. Pain means:

• Not enough arousal
• Not enough lube
• Dildo too large
• Wrong angle
• Medical issue (rare)

What to do: Stop, add more lube, get more aroused, try a smaller dildo, or take a break.

"I don't feel much"

This is actually very common.

The vaginal canal doesn't have many nerve endings. Most pleasure from penetration comes from:

• Psychological arousal (the idea of it)
• Pressure against the G-spot or cervix
• Stretching sensation at the entrance
• Combined with clitoral stimulation

Solution: Use a clitoral vibrator simultaneously. This makes penetration much more pleasurable.

Check rabbit vibrators that stimulate both areas at once.

"The opening is too tight"

Your vaginal entrance might feel like a tight ring.

This is normal anatomy. The entrance has muscles that keep things in place. With arousal and practice, this relaxes.

What helps:

• More arousal time
• Practice with fingers first (work up from 1 to 2 to 3 fingers)
• Pelvic floor relaxation exercises
• Bearing down gently during insertion
• Lots of lube

After Your First Time

Cleaning Your Dildo

Wash immediately after use.

Use warm water and mild, unscented soap. Clean thoroughly. Rinse well. Dry completely before storing.

Storing It

Store in a clean, dry place. If it came with a storage bag, use that. Otherwise, a clean cloth bag or drawer works fine.

Keep silicone toys separate from each other—silicone can react with itself.

How Your Body Might Feel

Immediately after: You might feel a bit sensitive or full for an hour or so. This is normal.

Next day: You might feel slightly sore, like after stretching a muscle. This should be mild and go away within a day.

If you experience: Significant pain, heavy bleeding, burning during urination, or discharge—see a doctor. These could indicate injury or infection.

Tips for Next Time

Practice makes perfect.

Your second and third times will be easier. Your body learns to relax and you'll understand what works for you.

Gradually increase size: Once comfortable with your first dildo, you can try something slightly larger if you want.

Try different positions: Experiment with being on your side, hands and knees, or standing.

Add other stimulation: Combine with nipple play, clitoral vibration, or fantasies.

Take breaks: You don't have to use it every day. Once or twice a week is fine for practice.

Frequently Asked Questions

Will using a dildo hurt my first time having sex?

No, it usually makes partnered sex easier. Practicing with a dildo helps you understand what penetration feels like, learn to relax your muscles, and know what angles and depths are comfortable. Many people find their first time having sex less intimidating after practicing with toys because they know what to expect.

How long should I wait between trying again if the first time didn't work?

Wait at least 24-48 hours to let any soreness heal. Then try again when you feel ready. There's no rush. Some people need to try 3-5 times before insertion feels comfortable. Each attempt should be easier as your body learns to relax and you understand the technique better.

Can using a dildo make me "loose"?

No, this is a myth. Your vagina is made of muscle that naturally contracts and relaxes. Using a dildo doesn't permanently stretch it. Within minutes to hours after removing the dildo, your vagina returns to its normal size. Regular use doesn't change this—your vaginal muscles remain strong and elastic.

Do I need to use a condom on my dildo?

Not for solo use with your own toy. However, always use a condom if sharing a toy with a partner to prevent STI transmission. Condoms also make cleanup easier. If using a condom, you can use any type of lube (water, silicone, or oil-based).

What if I bleed after using a dildo?

Light spotting is normal your first time or two, especially if your hymen stretches. This should be minimal—a few spots of blood. Heavy bleeding, ongoing bleeding, or bleeding every time is not normal—see a doctor. Most people don't bleed at all if they use adequate lube and go slowly.

Can I use a dildo during my period?

Yes, it's safe. Some people find they have higher sex drives during menstruation. Using a dildo won't damage anything or worsen cramps. It might even help relieve cramps for some people. Put down a dark towel and consider cleaning up in the shower afterwards for easier cleanup.

You're Ready to Start

Using a dildo as a virgin is safe, normal, and a great way to learn about your body. The keys to a good first experience are: starting with a small size, using lots of lube, getting very aroused first, and going slowly.

Remember, there's no timeline you need to follow. Take your time exploring and learning what feels good for your body. This is your journey.